A PLEA FOR HELP
Dear Uncle Sam,
I am writing you these few lines requesting some assistance that can help save my life. I am desperate for your help and I am asking if you can help the Peeper.
I know that you have your logistical and resource constraints. Is this not the excuse that you used when my government asked you to send some experts to investigate the Lindo Creek massacre?
I really was not convinced by the excuse you made (but please do not hold that against me) and this is why I am keeping my fingers crossed that this letter will elicit a more positive response from you.
The Peeper needs your help. The Peeper has a serious heart condition. I know that will surprise you. It surprised me too.
I eat well. I do not lead a sedentary lifestyle. I exercise every day and visit my doctor regularly.
My problems started when I began to take a look at the mountain of documents that were being supplied to me over SANATAGATE.
It seems that every time I pick up one of these documents my heart begins to palpitate and a severe pain flashes down from my neck right across by chest and runs all the way down my left arm.
To tell you the truth, Uncle Sam, my heart is racing faster than Usain Bolt. I tried taking my medication but it is not helping the situation.
I am in desperate straits. I need urgent medical attention. I am kindly asking, pleading, imploring, begging…on my knees for you to send a heart specialist to save my life.
I cannot boycott or walk out on those who read my columns. I have to let them know the truth. This requires that I study all the documents that are being sent to me. I have to study these documents and they are so many that it will take some time.
I am trying my best but it seems that every time I pick up one of these documents I get a shock and my heart begins to act strangely. The shock of all these documents that are sent to me is too much.
I don’t know where all these documents are coming from. I have read about leaks in the government.
But this is no leak that is taking place. The entire main seems to have burst and information is flooding in my direction.
A few weeks ago, I got the transcript of a case in one of the districts of New York. I thought that was an interesting piece of information inside and I was not fully finished studying it when I was again inundated with more documents, this time coming from local sources.
I have just received another set of SANATAGATE documents and when I read the contents of one of the documents my chest immediately tightened and the pains have returned.
I need help quickly or else I may not make it. I really do not know just what to say about this entire matter. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.
I think there needs to be a Commission of Inquiry established to examine this entire affair because with each passing day it seems that there is some document appearing that contradicts the official explanations.
I am doing my best to reduce the stress on my heart. I am trying to get as much rest as possible. I am even thinking about taking up Yoga to help me relax.
In addition, I have had to ask those sending me information to ease up since my heart cannot take the stress and workload.Even so, I do not believe that I can go through all of the documents in the shortest possible time.
Please Uncle Sam. Help the Peeper. Send in a cardiologist. And send him or her immediately.